Yeah it's been a long while since I've blogged here, but I haven't blogged much lately anywhere. So today has been a hard day for me. I totally bombed my pathophysiology test that I thought I was prepared for. To realize I wasn't. Now I have very little points left in that class to mess up with and I'm on pins and needles about it. I hate sitting down to a test where you know you know everything and once you start all the different medical conditions blend together and you can't get things straight about what is what and even though you know the difference between acute and chronic you just don't remember if that was a symptom of the chronic part or the acute. It makes me feel like my one instructor was right. Maybe I should back down. I don't want to and I don't know how it's going to help. Were all just so overwhelmed with everything. I can't keep assignment days straight. One thing is due after another and an assignment you thought would take 2 hours to begin with takes 4 hours instead. It's just soo crammed in and I think working is a mistake too. How can you work and be in the nursing program at the same time? How can people have families even? I don't know my anxiety just keeps getting worse and worse. I'm calling in tomorrow because I have to be put on something. I use to only get test anxiety, now it has turned into test and assignment anxiety too. Let alone it doesn't go away after tests anymore and  if I have a bad test like today I'm already anxious about the next one. Anxiety is a genetic thing in my family and I don't think my seizure medication helps either with the whole neurotransmitter stuff and maybe part of it could just be in my head. Either way if you don't combat something now it's just going to get worse. Anyhow, I have people at work that are telling me to apply for a RN job already even though I don't graduate in May. The problem and reason why I want to hold off is because at my rate my graduation is going to be in December and not in May. I know I shouldn't talk that way, but I am. The truth hurts and sometimes it's bruttal and I have to be honest with my self. Anyhow, that is all I have to say. I just needed to blog about my test. I always feel a little better after I blog. Anyhow have a great day!

Nat

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Fall

Yes I know it is fall and this fall it seems like a lot of things are falling and it's not only the leaves on the trees. We'll start with tonight because it's the heaviest thing on my mind. On Monday my friend Sara's brother Bret commited suicide. Sara all of a sudden got married and then moved to Arkansas to live with her husband, but I know  it was to escape from her family. I feel bad for the poor kid he had so much to offer to this world and all he needed was someone to guide him in the right direction. People have known that he has been talking suicide for weeks and all they have been doing is praying for him. Okay prayer can only go so far. This was something very serious and there are sooo many options for help. It makes me wonder did anyone try to help him professional? There is soo much teen suicide and I just wish more people knew the options there are out there other than taking their own life. It almost makes me want to do my community service project in 4th semester on teen suicide not just high schoolers, but college kids also. Society these days put tooo much pressure on people and if there already having problems they just snap. Anyhow, my job now is to help my friend cope with the loss of her brother. It's hard for her I know, she showed like no emotion during the whole funeral and stuff, I didn't see a single tear and I'm the one crying. I was fine until Dawn read the thing Sara wrote about her brother. Then Mike and Cindy sang "I can Only Image" and they played video of him skateboard which is the strongest memories I have of him are on that skateboard. R.I.P. Bret we will all miss you and we wish we could have seen you grow old.

Now I have a new job. Most of you know that. I accepted a job at the hospital in Willmar. It will be interesting. I was a little upset with them when they had me put in my notice and then decided to push back my start date by 3 weeks. So I'm only on the schedule at work for a weekend in 2 of those 3 weeks. I'll have to learn how to spend my money wisely and I still haven't figured out how I'm going to make it without totally emptying my savings account, but I will think of something. I'm happy I picked this job over St. Cloud (they didn't even get an interview with me) I don't have to drive as far, but gas prices are falling so the whole driving thing wouldn't have made too much of a difference. I get the experience as a LPN on the med/surg. floor. I get to do all of my LPN skills and it get to work first hand with all the conditions and medications I've learned about which I think will help me on my RN boards later on this coming summer. Speaking of school. It is going well so far. We've only had one test on 6 chapters and I only got 4 wrong out of 31. Which isn't too bad. The thing I hate is it's the same tests as last semester. Which to be honest is worse than having brand new tests because now that I've re-studied everything and I knew what I needed to know. Then you get the test and you remember every question and you sit there wondering if the answer you are picking is the one you picked last semester. Was it right or wrong. Or is it an answer we debated about in class because we thought it was right. Yeah I know it's frustrating. I just hope it doesn't go that way for out test on Monday. My old classmates that are in 4th semester are struggling. I guess all, but 3 of them were on study action plans because everyone is failing (getting below a C) tests left and right. This scares me a lot. I just took this new job and I'm probably going to get a lot of hours and am I going to truely be able to juggle all of this if they really made 4th semester that much harder. We'll just have to wait and find out. I graduate college in aprox. 211 days. Isn't that crazy. That count includes weekends, holidays, etc. The end of school is sooo near, but yet so far away. Just think I could be graduating in 2 months like I was suppose to, but I know see way more benefits of getting left behind. I do truely enjoy  most of the girls in my old nursing class. However, you do have the ones that wouldn't talk to you or as I found out on Tuesday you can say Hi to them and they'll keep walking like they didn't hear you. This is totally not true about the new group of girls or ladies and John our poor guy that has to put up with all of us girls. I can talk to just about any of them. Joking around and studying a little did improve my test anxiety. I've also learned to sit where if Julie walks around I won't see her making me not nerves about her looking over my shoulder. Anyhow, that is my blog for now. Some things are falling in my life, but I know as things fall in the fall, things blossom in the spring, I just hope the positives in all these negatives don't wait until spring to show what they have to offer.

Only I would try to sucessfully write a blog while the Twins are playing in the 10th inning against Chicago (who are neck and neck in the division with only a couple of games left in the season) and the game is tied 6-6. So what am I writing about well a lot has happened. Mainly with jobs. Where do I begin? Well first off I quit my "new" job at Copperleaf. You know my "perfect job" wasn't so perfect after all. I went to general all staff training. I then waited 3 weeks. I figured they'd call when there going to open the care suites which is what I was hired to do (This was you know pushed back from being opened the same time the other two units were going to open (see blog titled Trust God for more info on that.)) Well two weeks ago they called me in to do some training. I figured it'd be shift leader training because I wasn't hired as a care provider (there version of nursing assistant). I was wrong they decided to train me in as a care provider. During this time I found out that the director of the memory care unit left. So a girl with no medical background was promoted from shift leader to the director of the memory care unit and one of the care providers was bumped up to a shift leader. I figured I'd survive being a care provider because it was only going to be a couple of weeks because it is soon going to be October and they told me in the voice mail (which I  by accidently deleted off my phone as my proof for my sanity) that they were going to open the care suites in September/October. They told me to quit Rice Care Center because they were going to give me the amount of hours I was getting there and would have my schedule for me when I worked for a couple of hours on that Saturday (this was about 2 weeks ago). So I came in and they showed me my schedule they were all day shifts (5:45 start times) and I was only getting 16 hours one week and 24 the next week. Which would total a whole 40 hours in 2 weeks. I get an average of 30 or so hours a week at RCC right now. That made me upset. Then we were just visiting about this and that because we only had 3 residents at the time and I just so happened to ask so when are the care suites opening? and the lady that's in charge of assistant living told me not for another 6 months!! (Yeah 6 months plus the 2.5 months I've already been waiting since I was told they were going to hire me equals 8.5 months) That really, really made me upset and I so wanted to cry, but I told myself to act like nothing was wrong. Seriously, I could totally be a LPN somewhere else by now, but no I trusted this company and stayed put. To top it all off RCC had a opening for a LPN on the evening shift and by the time I found out about it (on a Saturday) and  I asked my director of nursing about it (that monday) she already hired someone else for the position. She felt bad and I felt even worse because I had this opportunity and it was right there and I didn't know about it until it was too late. I also feel really guilty and mad at myself and I thought I got over this a while ago, but I missed part of my grandpa's funeral for this job that I just quit and it was not just any grandparent it was my favorite out of all of them. Why did I let a job interview come above the funeral of one of my grandparents? Anyhow, so now I've been job searching. I applied at the Willmar hospital and St. Cloud hospital. I haven't hear from either of them yet, but I think St. Cloud is a no because they took down the job off there website and I haven't heard anything yet. I'm remaining positive about Willmar though I put in my application on Friday and it's Thursday and I still haven't gotten my rejection letter so is that a good sign? I don't really want to work any where else that I can work in Willmar that has openings right now and still balance school in the mix. I hear so much negative about the other nursing homes in Willmar and I think I'd have a hard time transitioning into another nursing home because I've been at RCC for over 4 years. However, that means working as a nursing assistant with my LPN license which others have done in the past and it's not like I've been trying to stay put and not looking for a new job. I figured I get done in May which really isn't too far away and if I'm still a CNA, I'm still a CNA. I'm probably going to be moving away from Willmar anyways because there is no job stablity when it comes to RN jobs with the hospital having to cut there budget and lay off staff I'm amazed there hiring an LPN associates for Adult Health and I feel like I'm taking a risk applying there, but I want the experience too. So that is my blog about jobs. School is very, very boring and I feel like I'm taking up space more than anything else, but I have to take that class over so that's what I'm doing. I like having this extra time off because I can do things like work more and volunteer for more things at church like our clothing exchange which started this week. It's going to be interesting to be in charge of a big chunk of it tomorrow (sorting and making sure clothes get out on tables, I have my work cut out for me) that plus helping distribute food for our angel food ministries. Then I have Sunday school. I'm teaching middle school this year and I was soo lost last Sunday, there were no supplies in my room (totally my fault for not checking ahead of time), I didn't know how many kids I was going to have or how much time each part of the lesson was going to take. So hopefully this weekend goes better. Anyhow I better get to bed it's getting late and I need my rest for the work I have ahead. Btw the Twins won and we are 0.5 games ahead in our divison. We have 3 games left (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday) and I hope we win so we can go to the play offs. It's going to be so weird when the season is over because I've become so use to turning on the TV and watching the games I don't know what I'll do with myself (maybe I should study?) Who knows. Oh and a random fact there is exactly 3 months left until Christmas. Scary I know.

I better write this in my blog because I'm technically employed by Copperleaf until Sept 30, 08. I'm suppose to write a disclaimer stating that these are my views and not necessarly the views of Copperleaf and there affilitated associates.

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